Small smudges on my soul 1
The mid-Manhattan branch of the New York Public Library closes at 6pm on Saturdays. So of course, I strode in at 10 of 6, with a book to return and book I needed. I dropped off the one to be returned, dashed to the information desk, got the call number for my book and then headed over to the elevator, where things proceeded to get complicated. The little lady at the elevator with the strident voice wouldn't let me up. "That floor is closed. You can't go up. I can't let you up there. You have to wait till Monday. That's not my problem. I can't let you up there. Who told you to sit around all day and not come earlier?" I tried pleading, tried reasoning and finally realized she was not going to let me up. I also got really tired of hearing her voice. I was about to give up and head out when it occured to me that no building was ever designed with only one way to access a floor. The stairs were right by the exit. I ran five floors, told the startled librarians (who really were closing down the floor) that I already had my call number and found the book in less than a minute. The librarian looked weary, explaining to her colleague that I had come up the stairs and asked me to please take the elevator down. I did that.
As I got to the ground floor, my friend of shrill voice pointed me towards the exit, before she realized who she was. Then her face contorted in fury and she went off, even as I went to stand in line to check out my book. "Who told you to go up the stairs? I told him he couldn't go up there and he went and took the stairs. Y'all don't listen. They never listen. You don't listen. I told you not to go up there. He pulled that shit too. I told you not to go up there.." And on and on and on and very, very loudly. I grimaced, made an apology and tried to explain that I intended no disrepect, only I really needed the book and the website said they closed at 6, so... She wasn't hearing it. Frankly, she couldn't have heard much with her voice booming all over the place like that. And as I checked out the book, other's drew themselves into it. An older gentleman who worked at the library walked with his cane up to me and joined in berating me in much the same tones. It didn't help that the two or three other customers who began to sympathize with the elevator lady, assuring her they knew how she felt, surely qualify for senior citizen discounts at retailers city wide. That simply set it up in my head as crabby ol' folks versus the young and striving go getter. I think it's rude to walk out on someone who's speaking to you, but those old voices definitely followed me to the exit.
I've been unable to let it go since it happened. I guess it disturbed my equilibrium. Even more than that though, I'm disturbed at how upset she got. I thought about the way I might feel in her position. I think I'd probably feel much the same, though a lot less personally disturbed by it and probably a bit amused at the ingenuousness of the kid. Still, I'd probably drop a "Do that again and I'll box your ears off." I guess not having that option made her feel helpless. Or something. The New York Times ran an article a little while ago about how we're becoming a culture that never accepts "No" for an answer. We've got to have it and have it now. I guess I'm a part of that. Still... The library website said they closed at 6. I cut it close, although not deliberately. I didn't want to have to repeat the trip all the way there. I had 10 minutes. You can reason anything away.
If I had it to do again, I don't know if I would have gone up the stairs. I wasn't necessarily in it to get one over the lady. I just wanted the book, and it seemed to me that it was possible to get the book. I still don't think of that impulse as wrong. Yet the amount of anguish (I think that is the right word) it caused her disturbs me. Should she not take things to much to heart? Would I still have gone up if she had been a bit more personable in her refusal? Like I said, I wasn't in it to get one over her. I didn't have that gloating feeling riding down in the elevator, just relief at getting my book. Nevertheless, I'd probably forgo the book if I had it to do again. We should not be causing each other pain, or grief and I don't like myself for having done that.
As I got to the ground floor, my friend of shrill voice pointed me towards the exit, before she realized who she was. Then her face contorted in fury and she went off, even as I went to stand in line to check out my book. "Who told you to go up the stairs? I told him he couldn't go up there and he went and took the stairs. Y'all don't listen. They never listen. You don't listen. I told you not to go up there. He pulled that shit too. I told you not to go up there.." And on and on and on and very, very loudly. I grimaced, made an apology and tried to explain that I intended no disrepect, only I really needed the book and the website said they closed at 6, so... She wasn't hearing it. Frankly, she couldn't have heard much with her voice booming all over the place like that. And as I checked out the book, other's drew themselves into it. An older gentleman who worked at the library walked with his cane up to me and joined in berating me in much the same tones. It didn't help that the two or three other customers who began to sympathize with the elevator lady, assuring her they knew how she felt, surely qualify for senior citizen discounts at retailers city wide. That simply set it up in my head as crabby ol' folks versus the young and striving go getter. I think it's rude to walk out on someone who's speaking to you, but those old voices definitely followed me to the exit.
I've been unable to let it go since it happened. I guess it disturbed my equilibrium. Even more than that though, I'm disturbed at how upset she got. I thought about the way I might feel in her position. I think I'd probably feel much the same, though a lot less personally disturbed by it and probably a bit amused at the ingenuousness of the kid. Still, I'd probably drop a "Do that again and I'll box your ears off." I guess not having that option made her feel helpless. Or something. The New York Times ran an article a little while ago about how we're becoming a culture that never accepts "No" for an answer. We've got to have it and have it now. I guess I'm a part of that. Still... The library website said they closed at 6. I cut it close, although not deliberately. I didn't want to have to repeat the trip all the way there. I had 10 minutes. You can reason anything away.
If I had it to do again, I don't know if I would have gone up the stairs. I wasn't necessarily in it to get one over the lady. I just wanted the book, and it seemed to me that it was possible to get the book. I still don't think of that impulse as wrong. Yet the amount of anguish (I think that is the right word) it caused her disturbs me. Should she not take things to much to heart? Would I still have gone up if she had been a bit more personable in her refusal? Like I said, I wasn't in it to get one over her. I didn't have that gloating feeling riding down in the elevator, just relief at getting my book. Nevertheless, I'd probably forgo the book if I had it to do again. We should not be causing each other pain, or grief and I don't like myself for having done that.
posted by Flint at 3:42 PM
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