More rambling, I love to ramble

I am a huge believer in teams. One can do nothing without other people to support them. Well, perhaps there are people who can, but I don't really know in what industries those would be. Loose teams, people who are as good at what they do as you are at what you do; that's the way to get shit done. For example, I don't see any reason for an actress of talent and intelligence to ever stop working, whether at 29 and past ingenue or 59 and past femme fatale. You want to stay working, you become friends with good writers and get them to write roles that fit you. You develop relationships with great directors and get them to place you in unexpected roles. This is only an idea, but it's the way I've always figured I'd do anything, if I ever did anything. I'm a great idea man, unmatched when I'm really inspired. But I'm also lazy, sloppy in execution and a lot more about the big picture than the gritty details. Obviously, these are going to be barriers to acheving anything. But I think I could compensate. If I have this fabulous idea that needs drawings to start out, I understand that I am so artistically inept that I fail at drawing stick man and know that someone else must be involved. Well, find someone in art school or graphic design who needs the practice and would be excited to be part of some random and engaging project (say dear reader, know anyone?). I've started trying to press all of my friends into these things. I sometimes lament that I've done so little up to this point, that I didn't create a company out of my dorm room and acheive international revere and fortune by 23. Then I read something like this Vera Wang article and realise that she was subsisting on daddy's money at 38. So no rush then. It'd only take a decade to build any career, musician or Microsoft owner, from scratch to stratosphere. I can start now, fail in five years, start and fail again, and do that over and over before acheiving success at 55. Truth is, there is no rush. I have little else I want to do with my life. Here's my life's goal, stated simply and truthfully. I want to do something great, doesn't matter what, except that it's positive. And while I'm at it, I'd like to live a good life, have friends, have lovers and get some level of joy out of living. I suppose when I say I want to do something great, I mean I want to build a business that has an impact on the world, or write a truly great novel, record a totally incredible album, make a revolutionary movie, that kind of thing. I think if I could do something like that, I'd be truly happy. And I know it wouldn't be the end, it'd only be a beginning. I'd have to try and do something else, which might fail, but at least I'd have that first success to cherish. Or I could fail first and fail frequently, and I don't think it'd necessarily be the end of the world. I'm sure that's bound to bring my depression bubbling up, but thus far I've never failed to get back on the horse, no matter how rough the previous landing. So I think I could do it. I want love in my life, even if I don't necessarily believe in marriage. I think I'd be great at raising a kid but I don't know if I'll ever do it. I wouldn't mind just raising other people's; either as part of a village or by adopting. I acknowledge that these are unorthodoxies that may well send my mother to an early grave. I will try to help her adjust as best as I can. I think life is completely random and it doesn't matter much whether you take one road or another to your destiny. It might be worth just doing what you think will make you happy while keeping to your beliefs. I'm scared that I will be proved wrong in all of this. I worry about life's harshness and the things it does to people, especially to dreamers. I worry about living a small life, although I can imagine finding happiness in smaller things and not particularly needing greatness. I love stories about those offbeat people, written off by the world, who nevertheless manage to pull off miracles and great feats. I love to read those stories and watch movies about people like that. There has never been a film where the protagonist is defeated at the end, when I don't hope with every breadth that he or she goes back home, and rests for a bit, then in their own roar back into the world, ready for redemption and to try again. I understand that implies a childish faith in the recuperative of the human spirit and probably shows that I've never experienced any true pain or defeat. I'm fine with that. In fact, I'd like to get to that pain and defeat, sooner rather than later. I want my low point as soon as possible. I want to touch the bottom so I can stop worrying about it and focus only on the top. I should stop rambling, do some laundry and get to bed. There is work to be done.