I done shagged so many women, I'm starting to think maybe I ought to leave a few unshagged??
God, she has a smile that could power Manhattan. She's just some girl I run into around school a lot, no one I know well, yet. I wonder what is the appropriate response when meeting all these creatures of loveliness. It is frequently posited that the need to possess (beauty, wealth, whatever) is one of the central and destructive aspects of masculinity. I find little in my experience to contradict that suggestion, at least not where beauty is concerned. Like many before me, I find myself falling in love a thousand times a day, and inevitably I want each and every one of these women. I want to date them, I want to sleep with them, I simply want them to hover around me and be pretty and intelligent; doesn't matter, it's all possesion. I should probably be thankful I'm so inept around women. Possessing that much beauty each day would surely destroy me.
I remember my cousin getting to this problem. About twelve years older than me, he once lived with us when I was a kid. A Casanova without compare, he somehow managed to combine joblessness, average looks, below average intelligence and a general aimlessness in life to come up with a package that seduced beauty after beauty into his bed. Not empty beauties either, smart women with real prospects and great backgrounds. Still, I remember the first day I saw a weak spot in his game. After years of watching him work, I went him to deliver a package to a girl whose exact connection to us I don't quite remember. Absoutely ravishing, we found her outside her place washing her car in the most ridiculous cut up jeans ever worn by a woman not named Daisy Duke. She was in college at the time and living on her own in a pretty sweet apartment. I remember being sufficiently impressed. My cousin was similarly smitten. At least that was the impression I got. And he definitely got right to work, with his patented line of aggressive play, questioning and flirtation. By the time we left, there was no doubt in my mind that she would shortly be girlfriend 16 or 17 or whatever frigging number he was on at that point. Yet, asking him about her a couple of weeks later, he made the most intriguing comment; one that didn't really ring true but none the less remains with me till now. He said, "I decided not to pursue it. I just wonder if it's possible for me to meet a girl and not necessarily insist on getting her into bed with me or approaching her in that particular frame of mind." To be frank, I'm fairly certain he got shot down. Be that is it may though, it's fascinating to imagine him suddenly thinking that at that point. Like, "I done shagged so many women, I'm starting to think maybe I ought to leave a few unshagged, no matter how ridiculously good looking they are."
It's like coming to goodness by tiring of sin, an idea I've been pondering lately. It's an odd route to maturity, but it fascinates me. I wrote this little fiction on the topic while riding a bus from Boston a couple of weeks ago:
I wonder if it's possible to come to righteousness by tiring of sin; doing the same thing, one time, two times and eventually pausing through a fear for your soul. Not a fear of God or punishment or any such thing. Those of us loved by the Lady Luck need fear no God nor waste gambling time worrying about heaven or hell. Yet, looking in the eyes of one cuckold after the other, shaking their hands and breaking bread with them, a man's heart may sicken and he begin to seek an honest woman and shirk the company of indecisive bitches eager to possess all (domesticity and danger) and pay none(cuckold or the fooled swinging cock). Can you steal, steal and sicken of the loot? Shank em in dark alleys and gank em on bright streets and find one day that you feel for them? Do you write it off as a temporary softness of the heart? Or do you allow yourself to wander towards goodness, like a reformed gladiator freeing property that he paid so much good coin for?
Anyway, all this rambling just to wonder if it's possible to meet a pretty girl and not want to or attempt to possess her in some form. I mean I do have lots of female friends who are incredibly pretty, and if I'm not dating them, it's probably because they were already dating someone when I met them and I discovered their extreme neuroses before that relationship ended. Having found their dirty secrets out, I no longer have any desire to own that particular set of problems. Sure, we can be friends but at the end of the day, they go back to their men and I don't have to deal with their insanity. It's like being am uncle and being able to play with the beautiful baby, but not have to deal with it when it poops or any of that icky stuff. And of course, there are the ones I did date and have found that we work better as friends than as lovers. But, like I said before, even their friendship is a form of possession. And I wonder what will happen when I do finally fall into a real relationship. Will I be required to cast my eyes down every time I see some woman of Scarlett Johanssen beauty? How do you ignore the Angelina Jolie look alike who sits across from you on the train everyday? How do married men handle this?
I remember my cousin getting to this problem. About twelve years older than me, he once lived with us when I was a kid. A Casanova without compare, he somehow managed to combine joblessness, average looks, below average intelligence and a general aimlessness in life to come up with a package that seduced beauty after beauty into his bed. Not empty beauties either, smart women with real prospects and great backgrounds. Still, I remember the first day I saw a weak spot in his game. After years of watching him work, I went him to deliver a package to a girl whose exact connection to us I don't quite remember. Absoutely ravishing, we found her outside her place washing her car in the most ridiculous cut up jeans ever worn by a woman not named Daisy Duke. She was in college at the time and living on her own in a pretty sweet apartment. I remember being sufficiently impressed. My cousin was similarly smitten. At least that was the impression I got. And he definitely got right to work, with his patented line of aggressive play, questioning and flirtation. By the time we left, there was no doubt in my mind that she would shortly be girlfriend 16 or 17 or whatever frigging number he was on at that point. Yet, asking him about her a couple of weeks later, he made the most intriguing comment; one that didn't really ring true but none the less remains with me till now. He said, "I decided not to pursue it. I just wonder if it's possible for me to meet a girl and not necessarily insist on getting her into bed with me or approaching her in that particular frame of mind." To be frank, I'm fairly certain he got shot down. Be that is it may though, it's fascinating to imagine him suddenly thinking that at that point. Like, "I done shagged so many women, I'm starting to think maybe I ought to leave a few unshagged, no matter how ridiculously good looking they are."
It's like coming to goodness by tiring of sin, an idea I've been pondering lately. It's an odd route to maturity, but it fascinates me. I wrote this little fiction on the topic while riding a bus from Boston a couple of weeks ago:
I wonder if it's possible to come to righteousness by tiring of sin; doing the same thing, one time, two times and eventually pausing through a fear for your soul. Not a fear of God or punishment or any such thing. Those of us loved by the Lady Luck need fear no God nor waste gambling time worrying about heaven or hell. Yet, looking in the eyes of one cuckold after the other, shaking their hands and breaking bread with them, a man's heart may sicken and he begin to seek an honest woman and shirk the company of indecisive bitches eager to possess all (domesticity and danger) and pay none(cuckold or the fooled swinging cock). Can you steal, steal and sicken of the loot? Shank em in dark alleys and gank em on bright streets and find one day that you feel for them? Do you write it off as a temporary softness of the heart? Or do you allow yourself to wander towards goodness, like a reformed gladiator freeing property that he paid so much good coin for?
Anyway, all this rambling just to wonder if it's possible to meet a pretty girl and not want to or attempt to possess her in some form. I mean I do have lots of female friends who are incredibly pretty, and if I'm not dating them, it's probably because they were already dating someone when I met them and I discovered their extreme neuroses before that relationship ended. Having found their dirty secrets out, I no longer have any desire to own that particular set of problems. Sure, we can be friends but at the end of the day, they go back to their men and I don't have to deal with their insanity. It's like being am uncle and being able to play with the beautiful baby, but not have to deal with it when it poops or any of that icky stuff. And of course, there are the ones I did date and have found that we work better as friends than as lovers. But, like I said before, even their friendship is a form of possession. And I wonder what will happen when I do finally fall into a real relationship. Will I be required to cast my eyes down every time I see some woman of Scarlett Johanssen beauty? How do you ignore the Angelina Jolie look alike who sits across from you on the train everyday? How do married men handle this?
posted by Flint at 8:30 PM
2 Comments:
I do believe it's possible to tire of sin. This was a really interesting post.
I loove this post!!
And yes it is very possible to come to righteousness by tiring of sin... I was never a 'sinner' (lol), but from my experience I feel like when you've done it all, over and over again... you realise it all means nothing... and then you want something more.
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