The tune that Federline brought

The problem with posting nine trillion times in one weekend is that things get buried. I like this post. Read this post. Comment on this post.


I have this very perverse desire. I actually want the Federline album to be good. Granted, I hadn't given much thought or encouragement to the idea when it was first speculated that he might make a rap album, now I actually want it to rock. It's like having a side of you that wants to see the things you most love destroyed. And yes, I love hip hop and yes, I'd love to see it destroyed. I think. It's weird, bothers me even. To some extent, it's a reaction to the culture we have today. I'm so impressed by the way it's possible to totally create stars out of nothingness and I want to see that proved over and over in more and more perverse ways, and it really wouldn't get much more perverse than Kevin Federline producing the album of the year. I just read an interview where he calls himself the rookie of the year. See, homeboy already knows the lingo. Besides the idea for the first single just sounds so insane, it might be genius. Roll that ass or back that ass up or whatever it is in Portugese?! That's bloody awesome. Come on, those kids at Fader live for this. I mean, tell me MIA was saying anything more substantive in her garbled Sri Lankan, pikey English ramblings. And do you remember a certain R. Kelly track that ruled the airwaves, which you probably have somewhere on your hard drive that was driven by the premise of sticking his key in the ignition? I declare this a hit based on concept alone. Ok, let's have a listen. There is a really weird screech at the beginning of the track that is pretty damn scary, must turn down volume. I didn't realize up till this moment that I'd never heard Federline speak. Of course, not being the owner of a TV or spending as much time on gossip blogs these days, that's less than surprising. He's got white boy flow. That shit hasn't sold substantial records for anyone but the Beasties, Vanilla Ice and Mr. Shady himself. I don't know if it will for Mr. Spears. It's probably adequate I suppose. The beat is really weird, one of these new fangled beats that is obviously made by an interchangeable member of Gen Y, bred on Premier and well studied in the styles of Storch, Pharell and Blaze. It will probably sound really awesome in about a week and will have omnipresence in every nightclub. Needless to say, Federline is a really bad rapper and has absolutely nothing to say. Still, the track is weird enough and the beat new enough that this will play. Despite all the derision heaped on him now, in two weeks everyone will be dancing to this and unable to explain how and why that happened. The moment I realized there is no more irony was the day I was walking around Williamsburg and heard a kid, about ten years old and playing stickball with his friends, start to sing the then new McDonald's theme, "Parapapara, I'm loving it." A frigging New Yorker! If the most wired and media savvy kids from the most cynical sector of the planet cannot resist the onslaught of radio play, and TV play, and internet play, and shopping in the mall play of random McDonald's ditties, how are the hell are the rest of us going to do it? It took me less than a minute to find and download the Federline track, something which is not true of the new Cat Power record say. And Star all but pledges in this article to flood New York, and hence the world's, airwaves with this stuff. So don't resist, you will be assimilated anyway. You might as well relax, put on club shoes and yell Popozao, Popozao!