He rants, he raves, what else does he do?
Nothing apparently... I don't think it's going to work with Boston girl. And though I'd not made up my mind about her, odd enough, the dodgy behavior isn't originating with me. She'd been in New York twice in a pretty short period and my spring break just came up, so I offered to come up and hang out with her for a bit. And she stiffed. Claiming that she's busy, she said she'd figure it out and let me know if she was coming down or when I could come up or what. Weird. Whether deliberately or not, she's made it clear that she's less than enthusiastic about my coming up to see her. Odd considering that she made sure to come stay over with me last time she was in town, even though it was an inconveniece for her. Oh well.
If I'm disappointed, it's probably as much because I kind of wanted to go to Boston anyway and hang with some friends. Now I wouldn't do that until I know what's spooked her. So there goes my trip. I'm spending spring break in my apartment alternating the pretense at work with dashes of real work and dealing with my sister's hundreth major (and it is fairly major) crisis in the last couple of years. Some people move away from home and just do their thing. That'd be me for the most part. Others, they leave home and their parents and family are constantly making emergency trips to quench fires. To put out there what probably shouldn't be put out there, we've had to deal with a half hearted suicide attempt, her getting kicked out of school for failing academically and now, a physical confrontation that led her roommate to call the cops. Hell, I fucked up enough times in my life that I ought to sympathize. Even after calming down massively upon departing high school, I didn't get through college unscathed. I still got kicked off campus on some bullshit that was mostly my fault. It's hard for me to sympathize with lil' sis though. After fighting a lot as kids, we settled into a decent friendship in my teens through the time I was in college. She's four years younger than I am, so she finished high school just before I finished college. Upon moving to the West, she didn't go to college directly. We all deeming her too immature, we sent her to some fancy prep school to give her time to adjust before she went to college. I wish I could say it helped, and it probably did, cause she'd probably have done worse by now if she'd gone directly to college. Nevertheless, whatever it did, it wasn't enough. It's always one thing or another, and being the older brother, my dad's sort of appointed me as sort of a surrogate father. Which wouldn't be at all problematic except for the fact that I no longer get along with little sister. I find her shallow, annoying, conformist, critical of everything I find interesting, and uninteresting in general, a chickenhead in short. Wow. Even I can't believe I just wrote that of my sister. Never mind, I think a lot of those things about myself a lot of the time as well. Actually, I worry that the reason I don't get along with her is that she's a reflection of the worst parts of me and I really don't want to be reminded. It might also be that I think I'm working at conquering those aspects of myself and she doesn't even realize they are there or need to be confronted, and that just drives me up the wall.
Anyway, sis is in trouble. The troops are rallying forth. I've not offered to go handle the situation in person, although I'm definitely armchair and telephone commandeering the situation. I'm alternately stressed and bored by it. I've been informed to put out of my head the idea that she return home (to Nigeria) and study there, but you know what? That's exactly my opinion. She's not mature enough to deal with the real world. Something is lacking in either her constitution or her education, and it's fucking up her life. I worry that whatever it is it may be lacking in mine too, even though I've come further along than she has. Anyway, that is the situation.
This is quite a harsh post. I don't feel the need to apologize for that. I'm not a nice person and I think my blog should reflect that. I want honesty here, otherwise I'm not sure what purpose this thing serves. I've been thinking a lot about that although I didn't really intend to address it tonight. It is what it is. Good night.
If I'm disappointed, it's probably as much because I kind of wanted to go to Boston anyway and hang with some friends. Now I wouldn't do that until I know what's spooked her. So there goes my trip. I'm spending spring break in my apartment alternating the pretense at work with dashes of real work and dealing with my sister's hundreth major (and it is fairly major) crisis in the last couple of years. Some people move away from home and just do their thing. That'd be me for the most part. Others, they leave home and their parents and family are constantly making emergency trips to quench fires. To put out there what probably shouldn't be put out there, we've had to deal with a half hearted suicide attempt, her getting kicked out of school for failing academically and now, a physical confrontation that led her roommate to call the cops. Hell, I fucked up enough times in my life that I ought to sympathize. Even after calming down massively upon departing high school, I didn't get through college unscathed. I still got kicked off campus on some bullshit that was mostly my fault. It's hard for me to sympathize with lil' sis though. After fighting a lot as kids, we settled into a decent friendship in my teens through the time I was in college. She's four years younger than I am, so she finished high school just before I finished college. Upon moving to the West, she didn't go to college directly. We all deeming her too immature, we sent her to some fancy prep school to give her time to adjust before she went to college. I wish I could say it helped, and it probably did, cause she'd probably have done worse by now if she'd gone directly to college. Nevertheless, whatever it did, it wasn't enough. It's always one thing or another, and being the older brother, my dad's sort of appointed me as sort of a surrogate father. Which wouldn't be at all problematic except for the fact that I no longer get along with little sister. I find her shallow, annoying, conformist, critical of everything I find interesting, and uninteresting in general, a chickenhead in short. Wow. Even I can't believe I just wrote that of my sister. Never mind, I think a lot of those things about myself a lot of the time as well. Actually, I worry that the reason I don't get along with her is that she's a reflection of the worst parts of me and I really don't want to be reminded. It might also be that I think I'm working at conquering those aspects of myself and she doesn't even realize they are there or need to be confronted, and that just drives me up the wall.
Anyway, sis is in trouble. The troops are rallying forth. I've not offered to go handle the situation in person, although I'm definitely armchair and telephone commandeering the situation. I'm alternately stressed and bored by it. I've been informed to put out of my head the idea that she return home (to Nigeria) and study there, but you know what? That's exactly my opinion. She's not mature enough to deal with the real world. Something is lacking in either her constitution or her education, and it's fucking up her life. I worry that whatever it is it may be lacking in mine too, even though I've come further along than she has. Anyway, that is the situation.
This is quite a harsh post. I don't feel the need to apologize for that. I'm not a nice person and I think my blog should reflect that. I want honesty here, otherwise I'm not sure what purpose this thing serves. I've been thinking a lot about that although I didn't really intend to address it tonight. It is what it is. Good night.
posted by Flint at 9:39 PM
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