Why do I even need to title these things? They're always directionless rants

When people speak of picking up destructive habits, one thinks of a drug habit, a nasty porn or gambling addiction or maybe even siphoning work from the office petty cash to pay for one of the previous habits. My recently acquired, or rather exploding habit is sitting at my desk staring at my computer all day acheiving sweet fuck all. I've been an internet addict for a long time, as are most people who go through high school or college in the United States these days, but it's never really been this bad. Despite having more interesting classes (in theory) than last semester, I'm a lot less engaged with my school work. Some of the factors causing this include not having to hand in assignments regularly, not finding the intellecctual content of class discussions particularly stimulating and the rather novel problem for me of not knowing exactly what I'm supposed to be getting from my classes. Having studied Finance in undergrad, I've been used to knowing exactly what I'd be learning in each class I ventured into. This totally unstructured learning environment, while theoretically more useful in terms of allowing me to craft an education that fits my very specific needs, is totally undoing me currently. I am an inert mass of unproductive creativity. The ideas are there. I've discussed and even written a couple of pages on some of them. But I've had no motivation whatsoever to progress beyond that point. I'm getting through fewer of my readings, even when they're interesting and finding a theoretical framework to hang any of my ideas around is going to be quite the task when I get around to it.

So what then am I doing with my time? Well, if your blog numbers have gone up significantly, it's probably not just cause Dooce or whoever listed you. Flint has been hitting the refresh button a few dozen times a day. If it doesn't seem like I'm commenting much, please note that I said I was in an unproductive mood. I only want to passively take in your genius. Do not in addition require me to have an opinion or if I do have one, compose it into a coherent form. At this point, I'd like to direct you to my sidebar, where you can read some of the wonderful people who have been facilitating my rooted existence in my desk chair. Hello everybody.

I don't despair too much over my academic career. I did really well last semester and I know in time, I'll get around to putting some effort in. Let's just hope it's not too late. I've been doing okay socially though. Saw Edvard Munch (I love moody, depressing art, and his stuff is quite powerful. It was like a cocaine fix for me and I've never even had cocaine) at MOMA with the Brazilian and I've generally been spending a lot of time with her, trying to ensure that she doesn't freak out too much about the move, which of course, she is. Had not heard from Opera girl since our date on Saturday, despite sending her a text on Sunday and leaving a voicemail Tuesday, and as one is wont to do after a date goes so well, I was freaking out like a little high school girl, checking my email and friendster page obsessively and glaring at my phone as if it were conspiring with the world to destroy any chance I'd ever had of romantic bliss. Luckily, she called today and although I didn't speak to her as we were playing phone tag, but at least I'm no longer convinced that some girl I ended things badly has put a hex on me.

During the interrogation that the first date always is, I confessed to not being the most organized person on the planet and how that had hurt me at my last real job. Opera girl was surprised, saying how put together I looked and asking if that was just an act then. This got me thinking. Superficially, I am actually a pretty together person. Coming from Nigeria, I of course care about my appearance and I generally tend towards neat no matter how outlandish my choice of clothing. So when I wore t-shirts with such high minded inscriptions as: 'Pimp', with the same word written below it in Chinese 'Dic - long, hard, round stick' and that stupid one you might have seen that says The Man, the legend with an arrow pointing up above 'man' and one pointing downwards below 'legend,' I always wore them pretty neatly. Wonder what happened to that legend t-shirt. I quite liked that. My apartment is also pretty grown up, something I'm quite relieved to have finally acheived. Yet, I'm not really an organized person. I'm frequently more than fashionably late, although never for any really important. Juggling the details of several people's schedules along with managing office finances, appointments and shebangys like that, as my old job required me to, regularly drove me to drink and was pretty disastrous from my angle of vision. As I've grown older, I've veered more and more into creative fields where disorganization is more expected. My ideal job would allow me to be a complete idea person, generating and refining them and managing a big picture view, while ignoring mundane details or at least attending to no more than my own mundane details. Anyway, it occurs to me now that there might not be a point to this post and so I think I shall end it. Good night.