About greatness...
There is a decent amount of pressure on me to be successful in life. The saying, "to whom much is given, much is expected" applies in no uncertain terms to me. And success for me is defined very differently from the way it would be for many people. Making a hundred thousand dollars a year at some finance job, with a beautiful wife and family would probably be failure for me. Whatever I do in life, it will have to have an impact on a large number of people, earn me respect beyond the realm of my immediate peers and hopefully, also make me immensely wealthy.
Why such expectations? Like I said, to whom much is given... I'm probably among the luckiest five percent of the planet. I've had the opportunity to study at a great schools and I'm finishing my education at an Ivy League in the United States, arguably the most anyone could ask for in terms of education. I come from a good family, comprised of people who have supported me in almost everything I've ever tried to do. I've had very few hungry days in my life, never had to worry about being homeless or being truly unemployed. Add to all of this the pressure of having an immensely succesful father. After his dad died when he was about 10, my father hustled his way through the educational system, doing everything from selling coconuts to driving a cab and being a bus conductor to pay his way. Along the way he won the respect of extended family members who appreciated his drive and helped get through school. He started his company a few days after he left college. carrying his entire future in one briefcase while living with my mum and I in a dingy studio apartment that he couldn't even afford. From these humble beginnings, it's fair to say the man did alright for himself. He built his company from scratch and does more work with his sixty employees than American companies do with 3000. Some of the projects he envisions and carries out boggle the mind in their ambition and although he's been screaming retirement for five years now, the projects he's launched in that time have become even more outrageous.
Giving all this, you might understand if I have a bit of a father complex. Nigerians, the Yoruba particularly believe that it is essential that the son surpass the father. Seeing as I don't even have a difficult past to overcome, my work is definitely cut for me. Part of the reason I've stayed and will possibly remain in the West is to escape that immediate pressure. It's not that I don't want to do what I need to, or I'm trying to escape it by hiding here. It's so I can do things on my own, my own way without being hounded every step of the way for not doing it the way he did. Being here allows me to consider things that would be unthinkable in my home environment and try life my way rather than the mold that worked for someone else. It also allows me to take credit for what I do. If I don't have a difficult past to overcome, at least no one will say that all I acheive is acheived only with my father's help. If I find a job, it's based on my own merits and work, not because someone wanted to patronize my dad, or repay a favor. Here I can be my own man.
To be quite honest, I'm scared. There is little in my history to suggest that I have greatness in me. I'm pretty mediocre at just about everything. I have a wonderful imagination and lots of ideas, but precious little history of making those ideas reality. And that's what I wanted to get over this year. Less dreaming and more doing. Putting my ideas to paper and committing them to production. It's difficult though. I've been trying to drum up enthusiasm the ideas that need other people and fighting my own slackerdom at the things that I need to do by myself. Can't say I'm doing that great thus far, but I do know that the way I think about things has definitely changed.
I'm hoping to succeed by being me. There isn't much else I really want from life but to find something I like to do and do it really well. I want very few of the other things that people get so hung up about. I could sum up my goals for my life in three easy points:
1. Enjoy life. I don't believe in an afterlife, so I definitely don't want to be miserable in this one.
2. Find something that I can do and do it so well that I'll be remembered (positively) for it. Leave the world a better place than I found it or make some positive impact on people beyond my immediate circle.
3. Have some good relationships so my grave isn't lonely; lovers, friends, family (the one I was born with and any I adopt along the way)
I don't need to get married. I don't need to have a Volkswagen and a suburban lot to park it in. I don't need to live in any particular city or be anything specifically to anyone. I just want to be happy, productive and loved.
Why such expectations? Like I said, to whom much is given... I'm probably among the luckiest five percent of the planet. I've had the opportunity to study at a great schools and I'm finishing my education at an Ivy League in the United States, arguably the most anyone could ask for in terms of education. I come from a good family, comprised of people who have supported me in almost everything I've ever tried to do. I've had very few hungry days in my life, never had to worry about being homeless or being truly unemployed. Add to all of this the pressure of having an immensely succesful father. After his dad died when he was about 10, my father hustled his way through the educational system, doing everything from selling coconuts to driving a cab and being a bus conductor to pay his way. Along the way he won the respect of extended family members who appreciated his drive and helped get through school. He started his company a few days after he left college. carrying his entire future in one briefcase while living with my mum and I in a dingy studio apartment that he couldn't even afford. From these humble beginnings, it's fair to say the man did alright for himself. He built his company from scratch and does more work with his sixty employees than American companies do with 3000. Some of the projects he envisions and carries out boggle the mind in their ambition and although he's been screaming retirement for five years now, the projects he's launched in that time have become even more outrageous.
Giving all this, you might understand if I have a bit of a father complex. Nigerians, the Yoruba particularly believe that it is essential that the son surpass the father. Seeing as I don't even have a difficult past to overcome, my work is definitely cut for me. Part of the reason I've stayed and will possibly remain in the West is to escape that immediate pressure. It's not that I don't want to do what I need to, or I'm trying to escape it by hiding here. It's so I can do things on my own, my own way without being hounded every step of the way for not doing it the way he did. Being here allows me to consider things that would be unthinkable in my home environment and try life my way rather than the mold that worked for someone else. It also allows me to take credit for what I do. If I don't have a difficult past to overcome, at least no one will say that all I acheive is acheived only with my father's help. If I find a job, it's based on my own merits and work, not because someone wanted to patronize my dad, or repay a favor. Here I can be my own man.
To be quite honest, I'm scared. There is little in my history to suggest that I have greatness in me. I'm pretty mediocre at just about everything. I have a wonderful imagination and lots of ideas, but precious little history of making those ideas reality. And that's what I wanted to get over this year. Less dreaming and more doing. Putting my ideas to paper and committing them to production. It's difficult though. I've been trying to drum up enthusiasm the ideas that need other people and fighting my own slackerdom at the things that I need to do by myself. Can't say I'm doing that great thus far, but I do know that the way I think about things has definitely changed.
I'm hoping to succeed by being me. There isn't much else I really want from life but to find something I like to do and do it really well. I want very few of the other things that people get so hung up about. I could sum up my goals for my life in three easy points:
1. Enjoy life. I don't believe in an afterlife, so I definitely don't want to be miserable in this one.
2. Find something that I can do and do it so well that I'll be remembered (positively) for it. Leave the world a better place than I found it or make some positive impact on people beyond my immediate circle.
3. Have some good relationships so my grave isn't lonely; lovers, friends, family (the one I was born with and any I adopt along the way)
I don't need to get married. I don't need to have a Volkswagen and a suburban lot to park it in. I don't need to live in any particular city or be anything specifically to anyone. I just want to be happy, productive and loved.
posted by Flint at 12:28 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home