About women...
I have said the words "I like you," thoughtfully and sincerely, twice this year. I've cooked for three women, an act, which considering my talent in the kitchen or lack thereof, is usually an indication that I want intimacy even more than I want sex. There have been no breaks in my search for love or something like it. My relationships overlap, the demise of one barely registering before I'm halfway into the next one.
So there are three women I've really got into this year. But I've been with others. There was the Brazilian, in a relationship that served its purpose, sex, and got me to see that I really needed to get away from dating people that were wrong for me, a truth I'd closed my eyes to for a very long time. There was a very brief and ill advised dalliance very early in the year with another blogger, something I've not written about here out of respect for her. I fucked things up there. It shouldn't have happened and didn't need to happen. If I got anything from that, it was a sharp dose of humility and the knowledge that I needed a little more integrity in this process. From these and all of last year's relationships, I learned very clearly what it was I didn't want. Now I've got two very different and individually interesting women who are interested in me, and I've got very little idea as to what it is I actually want.
The blonde is rowdy, passionate and worldly. Being with her would be expensive, dramatic and tons, absolutely tons of fun. She wants to be a movie star. Note that I wrote movie star rather than actress. Based on looks alone, I'd say she has a better than fair chance. The women is sex in heels, with a body made for a fetishist to love, sashimi pink lips with a slight upturn that's suggestive of a sneer, Shirley Manson platinum blonde hair and what a Nigerian man calls a coca cola figure (think Marilyn Monroe). And she's 5'11. I'll be competing with half of Manhattan for her attention. In fact I already had my most possesive moment ever at a party on Saturday where a gentleman took far too much interest in her the moment she walked in. Like I said, there'll be no shortage of drama here.
Things with opera girl, dramatic as they've been with her away would likely be far more sedate. There wasn't much to report before she left because there wasn't much really exciting happening. She and I see the world in similar ways, although I might be slightly more demented and she slightly more timid (but not much). She's probably as rowdy as the blonde, but her small frame makes it far less noticeable. I think her cute rather than ravishing and quite frankly, if I were making this decision on looks alone, she wouldn't even be in the competition.
To some extent, this decision is already made. The blonde is in, for better or worse and for as long as that lasts. Things got really weird with Opera Girl and I, but I think going on a date with the blonde definitely killed it. Being wanted is hot, and the blonde wants me, no ifs, ands or maybes. Add that to Opera girl's maybe and my own maybes about things between us and I guess it is what it is. If anything makes me sad now, it's having to tell Opera girl this. We had a really long and honest conversation a couple of days ago, and despite it all, she did want things to work out some way. That's not going to happen now I guess and I've got to figure a way to break it to her without making it seem like she's been replaced (Lord knows, she's not meeting the blonde for a long time, if ever). I also wonder what happens. Do you stay friends when your relationship imploded before it ever began?
It also really bothers me that something I was so excited about three weeks ago imploded so quickly and completely. Doesn't bode well for my future relationships I think. I've really enjoyed the time I've spent with the blonde and things between us definitely burn brighter than they ever did between Opera girl and I. Still I'm left with few illusions and if things don't work out with the blonde and I, I'm taking a break from women for a while.
So there are three women I've really got into this year. But I've been with others. There was the Brazilian, in a relationship that served its purpose, sex, and got me to see that I really needed to get away from dating people that were wrong for me, a truth I'd closed my eyes to for a very long time. There was a very brief and ill advised dalliance very early in the year with another blogger, something I've not written about here out of respect for her. I fucked things up there. It shouldn't have happened and didn't need to happen. If I got anything from that, it was a sharp dose of humility and the knowledge that I needed a little more integrity in this process. From these and all of last year's relationships, I learned very clearly what it was I didn't want. Now I've got two very different and individually interesting women who are interested in me, and I've got very little idea as to what it is I actually want.
The blonde is rowdy, passionate and worldly. Being with her would be expensive, dramatic and tons, absolutely tons of fun. She wants to be a movie star. Note that I wrote movie star rather than actress. Based on looks alone, I'd say she has a better than fair chance. The women is sex in heels, with a body made for a fetishist to love, sashimi pink lips with a slight upturn that's suggestive of a sneer, Shirley Manson platinum blonde hair and what a Nigerian man calls a coca cola figure (think Marilyn Monroe). And she's 5'11. I'll be competing with half of Manhattan for her attention. In fact I already had my most possesive moment ever at a party on Saturday where a gentleman took far too much interest in her the moment she walked in. Like I said, there'll be no shortage of drama here.
Things with opera girl, dramatic as they've been with her away would likely be far more sedate. There wasn't much to report before she left because there wasn't much really exciting happening. She and I see the world in similar ways, although I might be slightly more demented and she slightly more timid (but not much). She's probably as rowdy as the blonde, but her small frame makes it far less noticeable. I think her cute rather than ravishing and quite frankly, if I were making this decision on looks alone, she wouldn't even be in the competition.
To some extent, this decision is already made. The blonde is in, for better or worse and for as long as that lasts. Things got really weird with Opera Girl and I, but I think going on a date with the blonde definitely killed it. Being wanted is hot, and the blonde wants me, no ifs, ands or maybes. Add that to Opera girl's maybe and my own maybes about things between us and I guess it is what it is. If anything makes me sad now, it's having to tell Opera girl this. We had a really long and honest conversation a couple of days ago, and despite it all, she did want things to work out some way. That's not going to happen now I guess and I've got to figure a way to break it to her without making it seem like she's been replaced (Lord knows, she's not meeting the blonde for a long time, if ever). I also wonder what happens. Do you stay friends when your relationship imploded before it ever began?
It also really bothers me that something I was so excited about three weeks ago imploded so quickly and completely. Doesn't bode well for my future relationships I think. I've really enjoyed the time I've spent with the blonde and things between us definitely burn brighter than they ever did between Opera girl and I. Still I'm left with few illusions and if things don't work out with the blonde and I, I'm taking a break from women for a while.
posted by Flint at 6:39 PM
4 Comments:
Blog on blog crime is bad, bad, bad. But if you ever want to catch a friendly drink, I would be up for it.
How the fuck do you meet people in New York, I am socially retarded. I have completely forgotten.
Ha! I'd love to get a drink sometime. I've got nothing but time so let me know when you're free.
I think I've just dated such a tremendous amount in the past few years that I've got over all those fears of rejection and approaching people. Unfortunately learning this involved millions of horrible internet dates, another few million rejections at bars and clubs, and numerous failed attempts to meet people in such unlikely places as Church, the grocery store and AARP conventions.
This works, for both sexes even. Go to bar or club. See person you're interested in. Walk and up say hi. If they're dancing, walk up and dance with them. Start conversation after the dance. Sounds really easy and it is, once you get over all the crap in your head that comes from living in this society and handing out with friends who have all the wrong advice. I also met Opera girl on friendster, so I currently approve it. It's 100% less skeezy than most dating sites, and 200% les skeezy than Myspace.
You should come to Fauxy's bday party on Saturday at Lucky Jacks. I have to work prior but should be there by 11pm.
Sometimes I read your blog and wander if you're really as scared of monogamy as you think you are...
The blonde girl sounds like my kinda person!! Have fun and make the most of it!
xo
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