I can't get no satisfaction

This is my 100th post and it's taken almost a year to get here. I guess I write slow. Anyway...

The blonde is scarring me, physically I mean. Her nails have become rather too involved in bed of late and I really must warn her to tone that down. A little physical scarring isn't too bad though. I doubt she could scar me emotionally. I'm beginning to think she's all shiny surface and too little depth below. Now some would say that this ought to have been evident, but I've never been one to write people off based on a first impression. Lately though, my appreciation of her movie looks has begun to give in to the conviction that she is like most movie stars in more than just looks. And being the malcontent that I am, this of course is starting to get on my nerves. Having traded veggies (quietly pretty lady in a sedate but more intellectually compatibile relationship) for candy (red hot sexpot who I can't get a serious conversation in with), I find my stomach twisted in knots and my heart racing faster than I'd like it to.

The blonde is interesting. She gets really excited about the simple things in life (I mean really, really excited, about things like bulldogs and balloons) and she admires the fact that I read for fun but we don't seem to do anything more than drink, fuck and express adoration for one another while we're together. Even I don't want to discuss Godelier when I'm recovering from a hangover or setting one up so it's entirely possible that she's got a ton of deep thoughts but the time is never right to examine them. Whatever, I'm not satisfied.

And then there is the complication that I'm not quite over Opera girl, or she over me. We had the most confusing conversation on Friday afternoon and it just about left my head spinning. I can barely even remember the reasons I broke up with her so I can figure out if it was the right thing to do. What is obvious though is that if I wanted to get things between us going again, she'd be open to it.

This is going to sound a little cartoonish and probably fat headed to boot, but here goes. At least a part of my problem lies in the fact that I finally realized that girls like me. This was not always so, in fact was so much the opposite that I'm still a bit like a kid in a candy store these days. Oh I can have her if I put a little effort into it? Okay, great! But what about her? And her? And her? And of course, I don't really want a bunch of girls, just one that I'm compatible with who understands me and so ridiculously hot that I'm unwilling to consider being with anyone else.

Actually, I remember some of the reasons I broke up with Opera girl. She doesn't blow me away. Things felt far too comfortable, too unexciting. I documented my initial reticience about her looks, and I never completely got over them. She's a very pretty girl, but not in any manner that particularly drives my heart rate up. She's a little too sweet and young looking for someone who wants maturity and more than a bit of wickedness in the women he's with. Nevertheless I'm coming to the understanding that looks may not be as important as I previously supposed. And she is a VERY pretty girl, in whatever incarnation that pretty comes.

And the blonde? She has a brusque and unsubtle beauty to her, like a full figured Rebecca Romnjin-Stamos with none of that woman's elegance and a wide eyed enthusiasm for life and people that she bowls you (sometimes literally) with. I could probably not have begun to date her if not for the fact that her looks have obviously caused her some pain and made her somewhat hard. I find a few emotional scars appealing. Does that make me a sadist? Or perhaps a masochist as those scars inevitably manifest themselves in ugliness that affects me.

And then there is the Complication, who I once mentioned but never got around to writing about, a pretty English/Italian NYU grad student I met just before things took off with Opera girl. I asked her out but she put me off so long that by the time she called, I was well into things with Opera girl and couldn't date her. I know she was interested though, because I went with Opera girl to a party she was attending and I caught her staring daggers across the room at Opera girl. The Complication is perhaps a combination of the things I most want from a girl. She charmed me immediately I met her (no initial reticience like there was with Opera girl) and she's obviously intellectually inclined, moreso than either of the other girls. She's not drop dead gorgeous like the blonde but she's ridiculously cute, has mischief in her eyes and has a razor sharp wit.

See this is the problem. I don't know what to do about the girl in my life and for clarity, I think what I need to do is call up another girl. I'm not certain how you all read this stuff. I'm all but insane.